Written by Swati
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude. Gratitude that life is simpler now than I ever thought it would be. So many of my days are slipping into a comfortable dream-state, picking dandelions on sidewalks and making wishes at sunset. Rhythmic pasta-making in my kitchen after hours tapping away at keys, calling friends in between classes and navigating time-differences. Gratitude that I invite adventure into my life in small doses and controlled environments. Gratitude that life really does work out. At every turn on every street corner I told the world it was dark, it was scary, and it would hurt me. And every time I was proven wrong.
Europe is beyond anything I would’ve expected. Not that I came in with any special expectations of the environment, I came in with expectations for myself. Push your limits. Do everything you’re scared of, at least once. Find meaning everywhere and in everything. Practice spontaneity. Take the reins of your life and create the life you’ve always wanted. Just weeks ago I sat myself on a Delta flight so ready to experience something, anything, different. But in doing so I accepted the potential that it could all go wrong. I could’ve broken limbs, offended locals, lost all of my luggage, or missed transit. But recently I’ve learned more about rejecting failure. Or rather rejecting feelings of failure. Where do we develop a fear of failure? What qualifies as failure? And what tells us that making mistakes is such a perilous thing? What led me to live motionless for as long as I did?
I grew up so afraid of failure I stood still on roads I meant to walk further down. At a school assembly in middle school we had a public speaker come in and tell us we were perfectly situated as middle-class, suburban kids to waste our lives, not ruin them. So, my fear of failure developed into a fair of stagnation. How could I subject myself to inactivity, to nothingness until I had made the immeasurable indication that I was ready, whatever that meant? You’re never ready. And along the same lines, you’re always ready.
I’ve always grown up around a multitude of teachers, leaders, and mentors. I’ve asked them questions and brought up personal concerns and conflicts. That which I didn’t have or didn’t know I went in search of. But everything I’ve learned from others and every mistake I circumvented led me to a different mistake, down a different road, and forced me to develop new skills and understand new people. I think that is the joy of life. Falling in love with the process. Realizing that there are no right answers when it comes to life-changing decisions and that everything you learn will come back around again. So embrace the world and all that it is because this is all you’ve got. You’ve only got one life, but if you live it the way you want, once is enough.